A Dream Deferred....

My motto was "Dream BIG in 2010" thats how i stared off my yr. I had hope when the yr started. Hope is not something high on my list of things to have but i had it. I tend not to get my hopes up because i always seem to fall flat on my ass. But he made me hopeful. I was hoping more that my dark days were behind me. to me he represented the beginning of the end of an era that i would long love to forget. he was my piece of sunshine peeking through a gray sky of clouds. kinda like my night in shining armor. Sometimes i feel like im a glutton for punishment. Like i know whats coming so why even embark on this dummy mission? but i am who i am, and i have these ideals, the ideal man, ideal relationship, the ideal life that i think will cure my pain and make me a normal person again. so i went with it, i let my ideals override my better judgement and allowed him yet again into my heart. what usually last 2 weeks lasted from around thanksgiving through the beginning of march. so my hope had grown. grown into confidence. that i was his and he was mine and he and i made we. my heart was full of something i hadn't felt in yrs, Love. It doesnt take much to make me happy im a simple girl, all i need is love a lil attention and some affection and im as good and urs. so he had it in the bag. all he had next to do was except me flaws and all and i would have been puddy in his hands. But it is what it is. i havent heard from him in weeks, and sometimes i think i had something to do with that. i miss being happy and feeling close to him. i miss him...

Ex-Factor

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

I don't wanna start over. . .

maybe I'm over reacting. . .maybe I'm not thinking straight but ion wanna start over. I want him. my days feel incomplete without him.