Im not crazy in spite of. . .

Its ok for me to be who i am. There is nothing wrong with who i am. Broken pieces and all. And the more i learn that the less i want to fit into a box of other ppls expectations. Its ok that i never wanted to have a 9-5 or work in corporate america. Its also ok that im in awe of the creative process and would rather spend my time and energy creating then in a stuffy office at a computer. I am learning that i dont need anyone to except who i am but me. I dont need to be validated by anyone but me. Sometimes its kinda hard to except that I am surrounded by some of the most selfish ppl on the planet. But it is what it is right? There is nothing i can do to change it. Not even killing myself. Even tho sometimes that seems like a good option. Im fine. Im not crazy, a bit traumatized yes, but not crazy...

All i have wanted the last 12 yrs is for somebody to love me in spite of my stubbornness, my faults, my lack of drive, my weight, my. . .my everything. Its normal to yearn for love because it drives life. But it is not normal to stop living in order to find it. Lesson for today: Live and let love find u!

I think im gettin closer to my moment of clarity. . .

Disclaimer: I'M HIGH OFF VICODIN! so if anything doesnt make sense thats prolly y. . .

I started seeing a therapist last month because i needed to know if its me or them. I needed to know if how i feel regarding everything i endure is unreasonable. I also needed to know if im fighting for all the right reason. I have allowed ppl to make decisions for me for most of my life. What ever they thought was the best way to go was what i did. I'm tired of submitting to other ppls expectations of me. I'm tired of doing what other ppl think i should do instead of what i love. I'm tired of feeling like i have to please ppl in order for them not to throw me away like a rag doll. Ive been so scared to be me because i have been made to believe who i am isn't good enough. I have set in my mind that it is time for me to work towards being who i want to be instead of what ppl expect from me.