RIP MJ

Tell the angels no, I dont wanna leave my baby alone I dont want nobody else to hold you Thats a chance Ill take Baby Ill stay, heaven can wait No, if the angels took me from this earth I would tell them bring me back to her Its a chance Ill take, maybe Ill stay Heaven can wait

Happiness. . .

Happiness is defined as: a state of well-being and contentment

I ask my self all the time what would make me happy? Nothing about my life rii now makes me wanna get up and face the day. I work to pay the bills/live, i eat to live but i dont live for anything. the only thing that has ever made me happy is music. I'm on this journey to find myself. to understand me...crazy thing is im scared to open up doors to all my hidden secrets...especially the shit i try to hide from myself. im afraid of what i may find. or not find. I know that i have a fear of failer and a fear of success. im afraid to die and not leave a legacy, im afraid to try and fail, im afraid to try and end up overwhelmed with more then i bargained for.

Sometimes I wonder why. . .why am I so alone...why can't I be happy? Jus why. . . Im a good person. . . A lil high strung sometimes but im a good person. But im alone. It baffles me. To the point that I sit n pounder my existence. . .I am strong but what does that mean? That nothing phases me? That nothing breaks my stride? Maybe one day ill understand...who knows



::Makin a way outta no way::

Alone. . .

so its 3:30 in the am and im sittig in the er alone. story of my life right? everything i do i seem to do alone. this story is starting to make me wonder whats the point. hell if imma b stuck like this for the rest of my life what do i have to look forward to? imma either end up an old maid with a house full of cats or in a wht padded room with a straight jacket... i wonder what my parents think. i wonder what all this is spose to teach me. they say everything happens for a reason. im outta reasons now. im outta justifications for the shit i go through.

I love him. . .

It's been 2 yrs and the shit jus wont go away. I dont know how to cut it off. sometimes i dont know if i want to. i guess his existance gives me hope. hope for what i believe i can have. in my mind i rearange my life so i can be apart of his. i embrace his children as my own.
he envades my dreams. i can feel him holding me in my sleep i can feel his warm breath aganist my cheek. I love him and it scares me. to be in love alone is to not be in love. so im stuck in my feelings scared to let go.