The Concert...i think it changed my life. . .

Live instruments, live unaltered vocals, and a huge crowd, thats my vision for my world. . . I went to see Jill Scott and Maxwell preform live tonight and it made me realize that i live, breath, sleep and eat music. It keeps my heart beating, it brings me joy, and i live to sing...its therapy for me to share how i feel with my voice...Lawd plz direct my path and do with my voice what u will. . .i jus wanna b happy along the way. . .o and i wanna learn to write music too...i think thats it

Dear God . . .What Now?

I was driving today and i hit a bump in the road...i hit it every time i drive that way its kinda hard to miss but this time something under the hood popped then something started to drag. i pulled over got out and looked at the car its leaning a lil on the drivers side. The first thing i asked is dear god what now? I had a break down the other night. . .it happens every so often. . .sometime i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. that weight has the tendency to overwhelm me. makes me feel like nothing i want in life is obtainable. I admitted something during my break down that i dont think i ever have. God im mad at YOU. yep i admit it they say admittance is the first step in recovery right well im pissed. Im pissed that my mama told me nothing was gonna happen to her and she wasnt goin anywhere and then i had to watch her suffer and die. I dont know if im mad more at my mama for not following through with her word or u for taking her away. Im mad that i woke up a yr later and found my father leaning over his bed dead. My father was prolly the single person in this world who will ever understand how i feel and i dont even have him to help me through. Im mad that i was forced to live with my evil ass grandma. Im mad that my family is a group of dysfunctional idiots. Im mad that i was left to raise myself and i wasnt allowed to be a teenager. Im jus plain mad. I wanna know y? i wanna know what all of this is spose to prove? What am i spose to do with all of this pined up anger? how am i spose to see through the clouds when the rain wont clear? i feel like i am the single most misguided person on the planet. i feel like im a pile of potential with a broken spirit and lost dreams. But back to my car...God tell me what am i spose to do without it? Explain to me how much more i need on my plate? I guess the conclusion im spose to come to is its not my weight to carry? I shouldnt have to do it alone? Im broken, and i want to be fixed. i want to love like ive never been hurt, i want to live like i dont hate life, i want to experience life through new eyes. . .if thats my "what now" then God here i am...