There is no gettting over it u gotta come throught it. . . .

im sitting here watching an old ass episode of making the band and the girls are having a vocal session and Dawn...My nigga Dawn sings this hem and i look at her and i see me. Dawn was displaced after Katrina and the pain she relays through song i can relate to. everything i knew was stripped away from me. I cant go home. I had to start over. the house i lived in may still stand and my old neighborhood may still be in tact but i will never walk those streets again and i will never cross the threshold into that house. I will never see my parents again and the way i look at my family will forever be tainted because i have had to face all of this alone.

i remember the first time i watched this episode i immediately felt her pain and understood how hard it is to deal with that kinda pain and so instead of facing it u close off and keep it moving. It takes no effort at all to bottle up emotions and exist for the sake of existing. The real effort involves learning to love again and being happy even if being mad is easier. For the last 11 yrs i have been tryin to find ways to get over it (my pain) or to move past it but Aunk made a valid point "there is no getting over it u gotta come through it." so if i never face the hurt and the anger and the emptiness how will i ever come through it? if i dont acknowledge my emotions they will never be resolved I have been mad for so long. I have tried to place the blame of my unhappiness on everyone who has wronged me instead of owning my life and seeing that in that moment maybe they thought they were doing what was best. Im grown now. I am an adult so i see life through an adults eyes therefore i see things that i didnt see as a child. I use to think that some day someone would come into my life and make it all better. Life is not a fairy tale. Life is a work in progress. the question is how do i now take all the energy i have used being consumed buy my anger and focus it on something constructive? Music is my happy place so do i take all my energy and focus it into the one thing that makes me happy and hope that the happiness expands into other areas of my life?

Time does NOT heal wounds what you do with ur time does!!!~Rev. Run