Emotional Relationships. . .

I always seem to get lost in thought while im driving. today was no different, all the men i have had an emotional relationship with ran across my mind. I think Eric was first...he would always claim he was gonna come see me stayed up a few times and waited on him he never came. so i got tired of waiting so i cut him off. then there was...damn who was next...o there was the boy with the fucked up teeth LaVar or something like that.. left his ass along after i seen his teeth. then there was Tino i believe...i waited on him to come see me to...he was spose to move to Ohio to be closer to me. said he was gonna take a trip out here stay for a week....then one day he disappeared i didnt hear from him for months and he called out the blk...still does every once in a while. last time i talked to him he was tellin me how he wanted us to be together and how he would pay for me to come visit...that was a few months ago i havent heard from him since. now there's Justin the man i hate to love. the man i love to hate. I dont know what it is about that man that makes me melt. y i cant get him out my systems. the man had me at hello...and i sooooo wish that...that i didnt think about him...i think i loved him...in my mind i started to plan my life with him. in my mind i loved his kids and we had a house. and i was happy. for the first time in yrs i was happy. idk what it is about that man that makes me cream. idk what it is about that man that makes me what to submit to him and his needs....ughhhhhhhhhhh i jus dont kno i dont have any answers. sometimes at night i feel his lips kiss mine and i feel his warm breath aganist the nape of my neck. ive had wet dreams about him and..i cant seem to get away from him...in my mind he made me happy...in my mind i mad him happy we were happy together....for as long as GOD would allow. Sometimes i wonder if ill ever talk to him again but then i cant take the pain of his rejection....specially for a woman who doesnt deserve him, who has scarred him and broken his heart...