idk why i do this to myself

I try to deny it. . .i try to fight it. most times i try not to think about it. A few weeks ago i thought i was free from it. but i know im not when i cant look at another man and not think about him. its kinda crazy, well actually its completely crazy. im in love with a man who toys with my emotions, and never fails to break my heart. Sometimes i think if i jus told him how i felt then it would put an end to it all. Maybe if he knew i was head over heels in love with him and i adored him like no other man i have EVER come in contact with he would act right. But in the same thought i think maybe he'll think im stupid...maybe he'll think im crazy cuz i love him and we have never shared the same space. Maybe i am stupid...or naive to believe that him and i can be we. . .that a relationship like ours could even work.

My brain has always leads me down a clear path but my heart on the other had has lead me in to tornadoes, typhoons, and hurricanes. I am one but my heart and my brain never seem to agree on what i should do. ppl say follow ur heart but my heart leads on pure emotion...it never takes into account anything logical, my brain on the other had leads on pure logic. It analyzes everything even my heart. That alone makes it hard to follow my heart when my brain second guesses every decision my heart makes.

I say all of that to say sometimes i think im a helpless dreamer. I think that my ideals are this elaborate ass dream that i have imagined in my head for so long that i want them to be logical. I want to be able to tell the man i love that i love him and the logic in it not be questioned. Cuz its not logical to love a man u only know by keystrokes, and picture msgs. but then again there is nothing logical about love. I think Swizz Beats ex said it best when she said "being in love is a state of insanity"